Solo Single Mama

This Christmas season has jumped out in front of me screaming "PAY ATTENTION!"

Christmas is in ONE week and I'm not even close to ready. Sure, I have the gifts. They're all in the apartment office waiting to be picked up (I adore you Mr. Postman! Thank you for making my life easier.) Yes, I even have a plan for hand making all the gifts we give away (all edible, all this weekend.)

So, why am I not ready? I have zero Christmas spirit. I've been in school, the semester ends Sunday, and I haven't had time to even think about having fun. We didn't go to our holiday sing-a-longs. We skipped the tree lighting ceremonies. No driving around seeing Christmas lights with cocoa. Christmas cookies? Nope. Get-together with friends? Nada. I feel like I've skipped the holiday this year, and I feel like a failed mom.

I told my daughter yesterday "I'm going to try to become a better mommy." She ran to her brother, all excited, "Mommy's going to try and be better!" She is tired of me sitting in front of the computer working all hours of the day and night. She is tired of me saying "later we'll paint, later we'll play, later...later...later."

I'm tired too.

I need need neeeed to change my life.

I'm in debt up to my eyeballs, and every attempt to make a little more cash to pay down debt digs me further in the hole with 'startup costs.' If I would spend a little less time working and a little more time scrimping that would equal a higher quality of life! I end up spending so much on convenience. Really, how convenient is a high-paced, no fun, life?

I'm drafting my goals for the new year now. Maybe that will get me in the Christmas spirit.

If not, at least it will get me in the Hopeful New Years Spirit!